Yeah, I'm feeling a bit lonely at the moment. I'm staying in a hostel until I find a room to rent...so far no luck. I wish I could feel a bit positive during times like these, but of course, my mind doesn't work that way. Chicago is a nice place, but I feel like I'm an animal that has been released to the wild after being held in captivity. Also, I feel so inadequate around all these strangers--they have a permanent place to live, they are beautiful, their lives look interesting from this onlookers perspective...and here I am...lost, lonely, ugly, fat, and don't have a place to call home. Although, I'm happy with all the walking I get to do, the more I walk the less I want to eat. I eat once a day it seems, which is decent, I suppose.
*sigh* I wish I was able to be more social and have the ability to just start random conversations with strangers, but I can't. I have this initial thought that they will automatically reject me or think me as weird. I don't know, I really hate my mind. It's my enemy, my foe...etc.
Anyways, I hope tomorrow will be a better day. As for now, I'm sipping on a lovely cup of Irish Breakfast Tea...and probably will go to bed soon...
Much love,
Maria xxxxxxxxxxx
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