 |
| Marianne Faithfull-circa 1960s |
Well, I haven't heard from my boyfriend today. I rang him twice--no answer. I would like to think his phone was on silent or in a different room, but if he really didn't want to talk to me...it would have gone straight to voice-mail, right? Yeah, I'll just keep telling myself that. He did say he's been feeling flu-ish, but he was able to go to the gig and probably drink, but who knows...I do trust him. Anyways, today has been a bad day, nonetheless. My mind is the culprit...it's so cruel. I think I cried so much that I could have filled up a pond. Hmmm, I wonder if crying burns off calories. Probably doesn't burn that many, but it would be nice if it did. haha
I hate being stuck in the house all day. I have my little dachshund, Harrison, to keep me company...but he's a bit evil at times and it just makes my episode of depression even worse. A positive thing is that I didn't eat much, but I'm still at 280lbs. But, I think it's due to me feeling so bloated, I need to take some sort of fibre supplement or just take some laxatives to help with that issue.
I really didn't get much sleep last night, either. I slept for two hours and then stayed up from 11pm-12.30pm and then took a two-hour nap. I really need to get myself some OTC sleeping pills 'cos this no sleep thing is driving me bonkers and is probably making me gain more weight. Argggh, I'm such a wreck the head, I'm pitiful, and I'm such a failure. I'm really going through Ireland withdrawals, it will be a year on the 18th of September (which is when I leave for Chicago this year, coincidentally.) I miss it so much. I will live there one day whether I have to kill someone to make that dream happen. Ok well, I won't kill anyone, but I'll do whatever it takes to get over there. Anyways, I'm going to end this ramble-bamble session here. I hope tomorrow is definitely a better day and I really hope I get a good sleep tonight, I really need it. Also, I hope God answers my prayers about my relationship with my boyfriend. I don't want to it to be over and I hope I didn't mess anything up with my constant insecurity with the issue. :-(
Here's my caloric intake for the day:
Breakfast-
Red Plum-30cals.
Snack-
2 slices of pepperoni-20cals.
Lunch-
1oz of Tortilla Chips- 140cals.
1/8c. shredded medium cheddar-60cals.
1tbsp of salsa-5cals.
Dinner-
Half of a chicken breast (Popeye's skinless and no coating)-168cals
1tbsp of mashed potatoes-62cals.
Total Intake=485cals.
Total Burned=813cals.
P.S. Welcome to my two new bloggy dears, seeing that people are following this blog really brightened up my day!!! Thanks so much!
Peace, Love, and waterproof mascara,
Maria xxxxxxx
Update (27 Aug. 2010) ----------------------------------------------------------
Thanks so much, Margg.(BTW, welcome welcome!) and Wren for the comments...they really gave me a nice dose of positiveness (Which was definitely needed)!!!
I did talk to the boyfriend today and everything is grand. He apologised for not answering his phone and for not contacting me. So, all is good in this little neighbourhood of Mariaville! So, it was just me having a mental meltdown and me second guessing everything. Bad, Maria, Bad! *slaps own wrist*
Hope you girls are having a lovely day. Stay strong and lovely, my dears. xxxxxxx
Our minds can be our downfall!
ReplyDeleteAnd you're right about not sleeping, I'm always a bit lighter after a good night's sleep, and heavier after a night tossing and turning.
Hope he calls soon. xx
I used to have this problem with my boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteI still do.
It sucks, but I think it does get better.
Eventually.
I hope you have a good sleep lovely.
xo
oh gosh, i'm so glad i found someone on here who is actually my size (250+ lbs). here i was thinking i was the only girl.
ReplyDeletewell, you seem to be doing much better than me, lovie. how do you burn so many calories??!! the only thing i know that burns that many calories is swimming laps.(around 900/hr)
all the best,
Elle